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Moobs turn into beefcakes | The The Vanir-exodus



Did you know that (some) bodybuilders buy breast milk online? It’s a miracle food, or so they believe: If it can build big babies, then it should be able to beat stubborn mobs and turn breast pumps into beefcakes.

Breast milk isn’t cheap, though: sold (although officially banned) on eBay, breast milk costs around R20 per 10ml – so R200 for a 200ml bottle. And I thought oat milk was expensive.

It reminded me of an episode of The Golden Girls where old Sophia offers her daughter, not so old Dorothy, a bottle of water. Taste it! And? How is it going? Is it good?

Yes, it’s okay, Dorothy says. Excellent, Sophia says, we’re getting rich – it comes from the garden hose.

I’m going to be rich too. Breast milk may be out of this body, but imagine what I could produce with a can of formula and some cream…

Seriously, there are good reasons why you can buy breast milk online. Breastfeeding mothers with an overflow donate – or sell – the deductible to parents without their own supply, because breast really is the best.

There are breast milk banks where parents can buy tested, pasteurized, frozen breast milk for their babies and have it delivered to them.

Our own South African Breast Milk Reserve provides breast milk on a case-by-case basis to orphans, premature babies and babies with severe allergies in neonatal intensive care units, and all their donors are screened for HIV and hepatitis – which can be passed on in breast milk.

However, no donor is paid. In South Africa, breast milk is considered human tissue, therefore buying and selling it is illegal.

The problem with the wild west of the internet is that you just don’t know: you don’t know if those used schoolgirl pants from the Japanese legend were really worn by an crone; you don’t know if the sexy housewife you’re talking to is someone’s creepy uncle; you don’t know if that breast milk is real, or even dangerous.

In tests in the US, 75% of uncontrolled breast milk purchased online was found to contain bacteria and viruses, while 10% was supplemented with baby food or cow’s milk.

But if you still love it, Mr. Muscles, you big spoiled baby, maybe consider that real breast milk should go to the real babies who need it most.

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